I enjoy reading. Heck, I even wrote a book. But sometimes enough is enough. So I’m on a movie binge. Being technologically, well, the truth is that I’m somewhat in self denial on that front, (yes, that’s a working rotary phone in the living room) and for movies, suffice to say that I don’t have net flix. Thank the Muses for the library! [I do support my local comic shop, which has a pretty decent video rental section.]
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get to la Bibliotheca, select four films, check out, and escape the environs unscathed. [insert “Mission Impossible” theme.] You have twenty minutes . . . [Think Michelle Shocked, “Making The Run To Gladewater.”] . . . including transportation time. No, you may not use the transporter room or the neighbor’s blue phone booth.
I arrive with ten minutes to make selections: Oliver (research for the next possible theater adventure), Three-ten To Yuma [“Attention, the library will be closing in five minutes. . . .”], Top Gun, and [lights flashing] The Three Musketeers (1993). Tuskegee Airmen was a strong runner up, but since I own a copy I left it for the next guy. I need to get it on dvd; my VHS copy is wearing out. Did I mention technology?
So [insert musical selection], I have four movies, and avoiding the bored looking librarian at the desk, making my way, stealthfully I might add, to the modern self-checkout station. I choose the machine next to the dad with young daughter. With an act like that, who would give me a second look? Scan the magic library card, scan each film, print receipt (you never know when one might come in handy – usually I use them as book marks when borrowing books). Mission Accomplished!
Not so fast, Missy! Walking out through the airport type scanners, the alarm goes off! Not merely every day technology. Noooooo: Embarrassing technology! Sheesh. I step back inside as the lights dim, look around. The bored librarian is gone, vanished, MIA. Now what? He reappears shortly, and short of breath (??), and lets me go after checking the receipt (yes!) and cleverly demagnetizeing the dvd boxes.
“What?” you ask. Not a national security risk? What woman of a, ehem, moderately mature age would pick that particular combination of films? HA! Easy. The same one who owns Hunt for Red October and Princess Bride, and sadly missed auditions for Spamalot because she was doing Shakespeare, for heaven’s sake. Maybe I need to upgrade my phone.